The Right Time To Say "I Love You"

Saying “I love you” for the first time is one of the sweetest things a person can do in his life and hearing it for the first time is one of the best experiences one can have, especially if the feeling is mutual. However, there are risks that are involved in saying “I love you” and if it is not done properly, all will be going down the drain from there.

Timing is one of the most essential elements in expressing one’s love towards another person. Knowing when to express one’s love can seal the deal between two potential lovers.

Here are some things which should be taken into consideration when planning to profess love to another person:

-Readiness

Saying “I love you” will bring a person into new horizons. Most often than not, saying “I love you” entails readiness to enter in a commitment. You profess your love with an assumption that you are ready to take in new challenges and that you are ready share yourself with someone else. The process shouldn’t be done haphazardly.

An assessment of one’s readiness to enter a relationship is a prerequisite to saying “I love you.” Every facet should be taken into consideration since a commitment entails additional time, effort and a decrease in the benefits one gets as a single person.

-Do you really love her?

A careful assessment of one’s feelings should also be done before saying “I love you.” When people date, feelings are often mixed and one feeling can be interpreted as another. Feelings of infatuation, admiration and lust can become synonymous to feelings of love especially when the relationship is in its heat.

One must ask himself if he really loves her a thousand times before professing his love to her. It sounds like a cliché but this must be done so as to avoid making mistakes regarding this matter.

- Consequences

One must weight down the consequences which will be brought by saying “I love you.” There are times when the right thing to do is to say nothing at all. At times, being silent about one’s feelings is a way to manifest true love.

Many people fall in love with married persons. This is a classic example which can be used to describe the importance of weighting the consequences of saying “I love you.” Refraining from saying those three words maybe the right thing to do in this situation.

-Read her thoughts

In saying “I love you,” one must be ready for whatever response that is to be given by the listener. Maybe not all relationships get past the I-love-you stage, but there are relationships which can really benefit from the right timing of saying “I love you.”

If one feels that the feeling is mutual, this is a good sign to continue. But of course, evaluating the girls’ thoughts should be done with complete honesty so as not to force the issue.

-The moment

When all the assessments have been done, it all boils down to timing. If one wishes to say “I love you” to another person, it would be best if he do it in style so as to make a good impression and to show his sincerity in saying it. Several things should be taken into consideration when planning for this moment. The schedule, venue and mood should be set to be able to get the best delivery. Practicing in front of a mirror might seem pathetic but it would definitely help.

-Be ready for her response

Saying “I love you” is a very exciting moment and the risks that it carries add up to its excitement. When someone says “I love you” he must be prepared to take whatever response is given to him. Not all love stories end in happy endings. Think about possible situations which can happen after you say “I love you.” The response can bring utmost happiness or crushing hurt to the person who is professing his love. Be careful and learn to accept her feelings.

Saying “I love you” can be a daunting task. A lot of preparation should be done to be able to get to that specific moment that could lead to a new relationship. Not all things go into plan but no matter how lousy one gets when professing his love, it shouldn’t really matter as long as he’s sincere and he knows what he is doing.

All About Love

How do you know if you’ve ever been in love? Most people would argue that although being in love with someone is non-tangible, there is absolutely no doubt in their mind of it existing. In fact, if you are questioning whether or not you are in love, then you are most certainly not.

While I do not doubt for a second the existence of being in love (albeit being one of those sad individuals yet to experience it), I am somewhat perplexed over our perception of what constitutes humanities most sought after experience.

For me, falling in love with someone is a decision made based on the successful matching of ones own predetermined criteria or preferences.

I fondly refer to the preliminary stage of partner selection as the ‘terminator glasses’ phase, since it filters through a potential mate’s attributes and matches them off against our own unique preferences.

On the New Years Eve just passed I went to meet friends at a bar where we would be celebrating the evening. There, waiting at the door with my friend, I saw HIM for the first time. I did a quick terminator scan:

Height:  Around 6 foot. MATCH.
Build: Not too skinny, not too fat, not too buff. MATCH.
Hair: Short dark brown. Not over the top alla David Beckham. MATCH.
Complexion: Dark olive. MATCH.
Lips: Plump. MATCH.
Smile: Oh my God. MATCH.
Eyes: Big, brown, expressive, with long thick lashes. MATCH!
Stance: Gentle, not cocky. MATCH.
Nationality: Clearly foreign, probably Brazilian. MATCH.

With the terminator glasses still firmly planted on my face, the confirmed Brazilian was permitted to move onto the second part of phase one: interaction. This is often the most fatal part of any potential relationship, since every sentence uttered, every look given, and every movement is put through the filter of the terminator glasses. Any miss-match could lead to premature relationship death. Very little is forgiven during this part, especially if one’s program is set at ‘long term mate’. In saying this, it is also my favorite part of the process as it is the most fun. I see it as a game we both know we’re playing, but refuse to acknowledge as existing. One can withdraw from the game at anytime without repercussion (that is, of course, when both parties are working under the same set of rules. If this is not the case a few unwanted phone numbers are collected, followed by a few awkward conversations. And depending on how weak one is - unwanted dates followed by unwanted kisses, possibly ending in unwanted sex!).

Stage two, ‘the rose coloured glasses’ phase, is extremely dangerous and not usually approached with caution by either candidate. Depending on the impact of stage one, bombs warning ‘relationship doom’ could be dropped right in front of ones eyes, yet getting let go un-noticed. Everything appears and is, invariably, utterly workable. Despite my cynicism, this stage is defiantly more exciting than the terminator phase, albeit being laced with the fear of it all ending. The premature ‘I love you’ could escape ones mouth, falling like a ball onto a roulette table. The stakes are high, but it could also very well pay off and pass you onto stage three. Or not…

Declaring the title of stage three is difficult. And the truth is, I don’t know what to call it because I’m usually making my way to the green exit sign above the fire escape before you can say ‘marry me’.

My experience with stage three is that I usually realize Mr Perfect is human. I resist accepting him just the way he is, and try to point out where he is lacking (he is usually not so open to my constructive criticism. I wonder why?). This of course does not lead him to change his ways, but firmly ground himself in them (and resent me in the process). Love and commitment gets swapped with fear and dependence. Some stay to battle it out to the very end, most head straight for the green exit light.

People claim at this point that they have ‘fallen out of love’. My argument is that they were never in love in the first place. One of my favourite movies, ‘Moulin Rouge’, melodically states, “The greatest thing you will ever learn, is just to love, and be loved in return”.  I believe this is what we think being in love is all about.  Yet being loved in return implies that there is a condition to your giving love.  So romantic love is conditional love. If romantic love only goes one-way, it is termed unrequited love or even ‘desperate’.

What if I said that true love can only be unconditional?  And inside of that, true love can only mean 100% acceptance of the subject, just the way they are and just the way they’re not. What if love, real love, is just loving?